now i know why i became what i already was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
