Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
