I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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