i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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