Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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