I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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