I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
