i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
