I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
