The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
