WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
