this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
