I think i peed on brittanys purse
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
