I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
