i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sober January is a disaster.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
