remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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