I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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