She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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