FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
