in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
