Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
