matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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