he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
