does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
As shirtless as possible
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
