I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
