Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
