I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How external is "for external use only"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
