He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
