I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
