grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We got so high we made milksteak
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
