We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
