my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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