theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
