Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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