Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
