I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
