The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
