Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
