Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
