I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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