and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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