Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
