I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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