Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
