He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just found puke in my bra..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
