so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
