I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
