You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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