Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
