Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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