plz talk dirty to me
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
