glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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