would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
