Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
